How to Catch a Cheating Spouse and Prove He is Cheating
The Evidence You Need and How to Get It
Much has been written about finding out if a spouse is cheating, but most of those websites say you should pay attention to signs of cheating and your instincts.
This website is different. We focus not just on finding out if your spouse is cheating but how to catch a cheating spouse. We assume you want evidence, not guesswork. You might want to confront your cheating spouse or divorce him. If you divorce him, evidence of chearing can be important for child support or alimony. Either way, you need to collect evidence!
So we are going to list some ways in which you can actually catch a cheater.
Cars. The other spouse's car can be a gold mine of information. People often simply leave receipts lying around in the car or cram them into the dash. Even if your spouse cleans out the car, you can still dig through the trash to look for these items. Either keep these items, or make copies/take pictures and put them back. Also, people having affairs are sometimes careless about leaving articles of clothing in the car that shouldn't be there. A woman's panties left under a seat is the classic example. You might also find a condom. If you find something, buy a newspaper (to show the date), put it next to the item and take a picture. If you decide to keep something instead, pick it up with a pencil and put it in a plactic bag.
Telephones. One important clue for detecting a cheater is that telephone calls become more frequent and more secretive. If your spouse is receiving a lot of phone calls, or making them, try to look for the numbers being called and the numbers from which calls are being made. With a telephone, caller ID or the phone's memory might contain this information. A cellphone can be harder to get to – and if locked, harder to get into. If you find any calls or numbers, take a picture of the phone's screen with your cellphone. Consider removing the SIM card and having it copied. If the situation comes down to divorce, cellphone records can be subpoenaed.
Computers. A cheater's computer usually will have emails to and from the other woman or man. It can also have some racy photos. Either download whatever you find into a thumb drive or take a picture of the screen with your cellphone. Even if the computer is password–protected, it's a lot easier to remove the hard drive, have it copied and replace it that it is for a cellphone. A computer forensics expert can do this easily.
Money. Some people spend a lot of money during affairs, others not so much. But when they use debit cards or credit cards, they create valuable evidence about where they spent the money, what day they spent it and even what time of day. If the charges were at a restaurant, the amount of the charge allows an estimate of how many people ate together. All this information can be found on bank statements which can be either physical or online. Download them, copy them or take pictures of them with your cellphone. These records also can be subpoenaed in the event of divorce.
Travel. Many affairs occur during business trips – or trips that are called business trips. Of course, your spouse probably will tell you when he or she is going out of town overnight on business. If these trips are more frequent, or longer, you can turn to credit and debit cards and possibly even frequent flyer records maintained by the airlines. Gas credit cards can be helpful; toll road receipts also can be important. If the trip is by car, how far does the odometer show your spouse drove? Again, download, make copies or take pictures. Upon divorce, the employer's records can be subpoenaed to find out whether expense reimbursements were turned in.
Laundry. The laundry can yield invaluable evidence. Check pockets for matchbooks, slips of paper with telephone numbers and business cards. If you find any of these, just keep them – your spouse really did lose them. Also, look for stains or lipstick where there should be none and check for the scent of cologne or perfume. Consider putting that piece of clothing in a plastic bag and set it aside. You might find a piece of clothing that you have not seen before. Keep it.
Wallet/Purse. If you can manage to look through your spouse's wallet or purse, you might find some additional evidence. Datebooks, matchbooks, restaurant or bar napkins all can evidence an affair. Some cheating spouses like to be prepared: They will keep a condom or two with them "just in case." Use a newspaper and take pictures.
The Telephone Again. One indicator of a cheating husband or wife is increased time supposedly spent at work. If your spouse isn't home on time, call the office or the warehouse or whatever. Before you do that, get yourself an inexpensive hand–held recorder. Put your phone on speakerphone, turn on the recorder, then then call time of day. After you hang up, call your spouse. See if he or she answers a page or answers a call to his or her cellphone. Whatever you record is evidence that whether you spouse was or was not available on that date at that time.
Keep a Journal. Get yourself a spiral notebook or datebook. Every time you do one of these things, write down what you did and the date and time. Also write down the dates and times your spouse leaves for word and returns and any other time your spouse is away from home for any reason. Hide your notebook in a place you are sure your spouse will not find it. Do NOT keep this information in electronic form because your spouse might find it using one of the tips above.
More Tips. For more tips, check out the books on the left and our advertisers.
We hope you find nothing and it's all a big misunderstanding. But if your spouse is cheating, you will have the evidence you need to confront your spouse. And if you wind up getting divorced, you will give your divorce lawyer a wealth of evidence to use against your spouse!